Monday, August 20, 2007

awake when I shouldn't be

I hate when I can't sleep. I hate when my brain won't shut off and my thoughts race. Tonight is one of those nights. I guess I may be feeling nervous about going to the airport by myself--even though logically, I know I shouldn't be. I have got my GPS all programed, so I won't get lost. I do have to park, and that whole process--and it being a slight unknown, gets me a little concerned...but I just tell myself I am a capable human being....I can handle this.

My house is still not up to my standard of "ready" but I feel I can't do anything more about that now when my family is sleeping, and I am trying to be quiet.
But it bothers me, and so I am also thinking about that. What can I get done tomorrow morning, if I get up at 7am?

Jacob thinks he lost his schedule, which he needs for his first day of Middle School, and that gets me aggravated and concerned--his locker number is on there, too. I called the school and left a message, hoping I could get another copy....but I am feeling like the failure mom, that allows her child to lose something so important. So I am thinking of that, also.

Which leads me into the thoughts that I'll never be able to handle my own classroom, when I can't even manage my household in a way I am satisfied with. So those thoughts jump in, too.

And then they all just swirl around my head--over and over. So then I have to get up, because I am starting to feel restless and a bit crazed by it all. And THEN i start wondering if I really am just a bit nuts? My logical self trys to take over and say "Kim, just get a are fine". I only get like this occasionally.....surely if I was going nutty, this would happen to me much more often, right? (Yikes!)

I know I am a wee bit stressed with juggling the details of my family's life right now....with school starting (having three different school's beginning of the year requirements and times, etc. to think about and try not to forget), the new job of team coordinator for Nathan's team with new things to learn and juggle there, thoughts on getting my semester hours in so I can continue to be certified, getting myself prepared and ready for any interview that might come along, finishing my D303 application, and on that same note knowing I will want to "impress" this year in my placement at Ferson Creek to better my chances for a teaching position. And all along figuring out how I can feed my family better, get my house in order to sell in the Spring (with a gigantic "to do" list....not even started, but staring at me as it is stuck to my fridge door reminding me how little I have accomplished)......and the regular homework and activities schedule that is always there....not to mention always having to handle the sibling angst and arguements that tend to happen at the very worst times. It is no wonder I feel a bit crazy sometimes, right?

Someday....not sure when.....i will long for these nutty busy days. (So I have been told!) When my house is quiet, the kids are grown, and I have figured out the balancing act of my own life!! (can't even imagine that EVER happening!)

1 comment:

deanna said...

Well, it's no surprise that you can't sleep... really!!