Thursday, January 17, 2008

no news yet

I am waiting patiently (???) for the news about whether or not I got the job. My interview went okay, I think. But the longer I wait, the more I wonder how I did. One of the teachers asked me if I knew anything yet.....when I said no, she asked why they were waiting so long to tell me. She thought they must know who they want in the position already.
Of course, then I think, maybe they were waiting until tomorrow, when I was off from school, to call and give me the sad news. At least then, they wouldn't have to face me until Tuesday!!

Yesterday I was so elated that I was past the interview......but now, I just want to know the facts. Hopefully, I'll get a phonecall tomorrow.

I'll post when I know more.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

deep breaths needed

Okay-so I am trying my hardest not to feel overwhelmed with life in general these days. Between the packing that needs to be done (and how slow it is going), and my interview on Wednesday (I've spent a lot of this weekend reading teacher manuals and resources for the new Language Arts curriculum our school has taken on this year, spent time working on my portfolio, and also tried to figure out how to answer some of the interview questions I am sure I will be asked), and the nagging thoughts about how I need to get myself registered for my upcoming class in February (to keep my certification active), and also dealing with a child (Nathan) who is a HUGE procrastinator (can't imagine where he gets that from!) and hangs on to the "baby card" way too often--which is likely my most difficult challenge in life lately.......I am feeling like my head is spinning, the days are going by way too fast, and just a bit clueless as to how to tackle some of these things taking over my brain! WHEW! Deep breaths needed.....

As a sidenote, we visited a different church today. (We had a soccer game at 7:45 this morning with Nathan, and then went to church after that. Why do we always get the stinky soccer schedules?) We have been in the process of deciding whether or not we should be looking for another church for a while now. It is a VERY long and involved story, but the main reason comes down to just not feeling spiritually fed in this last year or so. ANYWHOO....we popped into Riverside Community Church today....and we really liked it. It was great for many reasons.....but I am just too tired to go into them right now--I'll try and catch some time (uh, and when would that be, Kim?) to write a bit more about that later. Let's just say, we will be going back--and that was the concensus from the whole family. Even Ben--and his reasons had to do with the applicable sermon! Wow! :0)

Other off topic statements:
-I am anxious to see the rest of our family photo shoot pictures.....not that I have the time to view them!
-Two aquaintences of ours had large masses removed from their insides this on his kidney (which was cancerous) and who lost 1/3 of his kidney, and the other had a fist size mass removed from her intestines, and had to undergo recontructive surgery. She also just had a baby in November....... She is waiting for the lab results on whether hers was cancerous or not. UGH. I guess when I think of both of these young people being faced with these life changing types of issues....I feel like I definately shouldn't be complaining about my silly stuff. It is sometimes good to view things in their proper perspective. I am VERY thankful to be healthy.
-I realize that this blog entry is written very poorly....major run-on sentences that might not even make sense....but I am too sleepy to go back and edit. Sorry for the bad read! I just thought I'd say that I DO realize it.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

our sneak peek

When we were in Colorado for Christmas, we had a photo shoot for the whole family, while we were all in the same location at the same time. The photographer (who attends the same church of the rest of my family) just posted a "sneak peek" on her blog. Take a look! We are posted on the Jan. 8th posting:

Can't wait to see the rest of the photos!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

oddball weather

So-I am in my kitchen packing boxes (which I have decided is NOT an easy task) and I have my window open to catch a breeze....our house has heated up to 75* today....due to the warm front that came through this morning. You'd never guess that all last week we RAN to our cars, or the entrance to stores, or to our front doors, etc. everytime we had to go outside because it was sooooo cold! We had -10* windchills, and everything was frozen. There was about a foot of snow on the ground, and the tree branches were snow/ice covered all around. Well- the snow is gone now, there are puddles everywhere, the dog is getting full of mud every time she has to go out, and i am actually hot in my house! So odd. You'd think Spring was here.

I need to enjoy it....tomorrow is going to be 58*, and then it will slowly get colder again all next week.


Our Laotion (spelling?) neigbors just brought over a plate of handmade eggrolls for us to enjoy. What a yummy surprise! Pong made them with her 2 daughters (5&7) and made too they called to see if we would eat some. Oh my gosh, were they good! (The plate had about 15-20 eggrolls on it.....too much for us to eat, too. The MUST have made a ton!) :0)

Wish I could transfer Pong and Tom to our new neighborhood! Pong's cooking always smells so good---and she is so sweet. We know the new people moving into our house have two young would be great if they could be little friends for Allie and Alexi. (???)

Thursday, January 3, 2008

interview set up

Well...I finally know when I will be interviewed for the 4th grade Long Term substitute position. Wednesday, January 16th at 2pm is the official day and time. Start praying now! :0)
There will be 5 people total being interviewed--and I expect the competition will be stiff. Yes--I am nervous about it. Yes, I feel I should have done much more to prepare for that day. (I still have almost 2 weeks though, to work on some sort of will just be tough to dedicate the proper time to it, when we will also be mad packers for our move on Jan.31st.)
I have decided that I am not going to work myself up into a tizzy about this whole thing, I feel it is completely in the hands of God. He knows what is best for me and my family. Honestly, the hardest thing to accept (I imagine) if I don't get the position is just that I will feel like a bit of a loser. It will be hard to get my confidence up to interview again--as I already struggle with feeling inadequate....and no one has said no to me yet! Not to mention that so many people know that I am interviewing for the job.....that it will be hard for me to have to tell so many that I didn't get it. It will be embarressing.....
BUT---like I said, I'd rather be embarressed and feel like a loser, than be in a position that may not be right for me at this time---and God knows these things. I just have to trust Him to work out the details. In my own head, this seems like a perfect fit--4th grade (the grade I student taught in), a school I am already comfortable in, a sub position to kind of get my feet wet in....before I try and attempt to run my own classroom for a year....etc.
Of course, the timing may be off, too. I have 2 classes to complete before the end of June (which might be difficult while also trying to teach for the first time), we are moving into a new house and will need time to settle, Nathan may not be ready for more independence, etc. I said--God knows best. Prayers would be appreciated, of course. Mainly, no matter what the decision, I'd like to make a good impression. I'd hate to also sever any possibilities for future employment, because of my lack of knowledge, or poor interviewing skills! UGH!

I will be interviewing with the principal and the whole 4th grade team of teachers. I know one of the teachers really well....(actually, one of the them wrote one of my letters of recommendation! Mr. DiNicola was the teacher I spent half the day with last year, and he will be a friendly face to see in that room!) Nicole Cournaya will be the teacher I would be substituting for, and I know her a bit...mainly from the discussions I have had with her about this position. then the other 3 teachers I know very little. They know my face, I know theirs, but that is about it. Two of them have the reputation of being very difficult and sort of "know-it-alls".....but-since I don't really know them, I'd like to develop my own opinion of that. I am sure all of them just want the best candidate to be hired. I am hoping that my easy going personality, being team oriented, and my desire to work hard and learn much will work to my benefit.

Anyway--that is my update on the job front! :0)

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Mom Frustration!

Sometimes, I get so frustrated and discouraged raising my children. All of the sibling angst, and squabbling with eachother just drives me up the wall. I occasionally feel like a complete failure as a parent. I wonder how on earth our boys, who from the moment of their arrival-- have been taught how to love, how to be kind, how to not hurt......seem to forget all of what they have been taught, or at least choose NOT to care about anything we have taught them....and just become wild, mean, uncaring things.

I know when you are a child it is harder to see past see how your actions affect others. I know that teenagers are known for their grumpy, moody behavior. BUT--truly....these kids of mine are sometimes VERY difficult to live with!

The sad thing about this whole thing, is that I can understand why they might just WANT to be out of this want to leave and go to friends' houses. Because when they are here, it is not peaceful. There are arguements, someone is getting hurt (physically or emotionally), there is not the same kind of freedom they might experience over a friend's.....etc.
It makes me sad. I want my kids to cherish their WANT to be here, to feel love as soon as they walk through the door.

Ben never wants to be here. We don't have "cool enough" stuff, we have rules (not that these rules are always followed---like cleaning up after yourself, for one), he has annoying (in his opinion) brothers here. He practically lives at his buddy Aaron's house. We try to get him to hang here occasionally with his friends---and he rolls his eyes. Because apparently, that would be asking him to subject not only himself, but his friends to something he feels is sucky.

Jacob is not quite in the middle of the teenage hormone rollercoaster I am thankful for that. BUT-I see glimpses of it for sure. Nathan is always over dramatic about everything....but he is also the one that is picked on the most by his brothers. And I am the one that feels terrible everytime there is a problem between them. I wonder what I can do to resolve all of this fighting---how I can make our home more peaceful, and loving. I pray for wisdom all of the time, and do my best. But honestly, I sometimes feel my boys feel like i am just being "emotional" mom again. Sensitive and fragile. How I hate that.

ANYWAY- I am having a hard morning. I feel like I want to have a "do-over" with my kids. I thought how I was raising them and teaching them was a good balance between discipline, being reasonable, and being fun and loving. Obviously---I went wrong somewhere.

Baiscally-I know my kids are good kids. They are. People tell us that all of the time. There are moments that I couldn't be prouder. But, somedays--like today, I am embarressed for them....scared for them, wondering how they will function in a much harsher world---when they think our homelife is "harsh" and unreasonable. I mean--we are SO unfair to make them clean their rooms, and take out the trash, and have to eat lunch before they disappear out the door for the day!! It is obvious that they have NO IDEA what kind of toughness some kids go through....the sad homes some people have to live in, how many children would give their eye teeth to be part of a family that cares about and loves them.

I have been close to tears all morning....which of course, is not that difficult a thing when it is "that time of the month".....I know I am feeling things more than I normally would.
So--I pray. I pray for strength, the wisdom I so seek in raising my kids, and pray for them to have some softness of heart and desire to be someone God wants them to be. Just like all the other moms I know.

This "mom thing" is not an easy task.


Okay-so, it is very hard to keep up with a blog during the holidays. I really intend to sit down and get "blogging" again soon. Right now, though, I need to get ready to shopping with the hubby. We have a pair of new shoes to find for him!

I am not looking forward to going outside. It is 10* outside......about -15* with windchill. UGH. Why do I live in Chicago?