Yikes!

So, life has been interesting over here. Yesterday, while at work, I had a brief conversation with another aide and a 4th grade teacher about a 4th grade teaching position that had opened up for next year. My goal is to eventually get a teaching job--but I have basically given myself a 3 year timeline to accomplish that. In no way was I looking or anticipating the idea of interviewing before that time for a position. I have been out of school for 15 years now....(how old I feel).....and even though I have volunteered in my kids' classrooms, and now have worked for a year as a 1st grade aide (and observed and asked a TON of questions)....I feel so rusty, and have lost all sense of confidence that I once had in myself.

So anyway....the aide asked me why I hadn't considered interviewing--and my response was "What? Noooo...I'm not ready for that!" Currently, my certification is even lapsed--I am planning on completing my 5 semester hours necessary to reinstate this summer. When I mentioned that fact, the 4th grade teacher in the room said that was "nothing" to get done--and that I should definately consider interviewing. I kind of laughed it off....how could I even consider that???? I came home and told this "silly" story to Matt, as I couldn't get it off my mind since that time. I expected him to laugh, too. Instead, he asked if I put in my application yet! I was thrown yet again, with that response. I have been mulling the idea over A LOT. Maybe I COULD manage this....maybe I should go through the steps, get my resume together, get my portfolio in order, etc. I even spent a couple of hours on the internet researching best practices in teaching, data based decision making, guided reading, and anything else I could think of to prove I wasn't ready! I am still not thinking all that seriously about it. It is just crazy. What AM I thinking?

This morning, on my way to work, I was praying that God would just relax my heart over the whole thing. I don't know why this came up now, and I don't know if I should just drop the idea altogether, or if I needed to pay attention to the opportunity. I prayed for His guidance.....for signs to either go forward or to stop dwelling on it. I asked for BIG signs....like more encouragement today without me looking for it, etc. I know if anything came out of this, it would HAVE to be a God thing, as I was soooo not looking for this at this time. Anyway, early in the day, I heard more people talking about the open position. I spoke with one of the other aides aboout the conversation I had yesterday and told her how much it had just freaked me out. She answered by saying she thought I should just go for it. WHAT??? She also said sometimes things happen for a reason, and that it isn't always in our own timing. (WHAT??!!!) More chatting....about this and that....then I went back to my classroom.

Mrs. Foss was the only one in there--the kids were at recess. I must have looked a little rattled, because she asked me what was up. I filled her in on all the craziness going on in my mind....how I wasn't seriously considering it, etc. I admire Mrs. Foss (Jaimie) greatly. She has been an excellent example for me. I have been so blessed to be in her classroom this year. She has seriously got it all together, in every which way. I have said to Matt on numerous occasions that she was my idol. :0)
She has been so supportive of me all year.....giving me great advice, boosting my self esteem by saying I was HER Godsend this year, and generally being very complimentary of my work. Anyway, would you believe she said I should go ahead and go for it?? I asked for her honest opinion about whether she thought I'd be valuable enough to even interview---she knows my situation--and she said I got plenty of experience this year observing and doing hands-on things in the classrooms I am in. But, seeing my hesitation, she offered to email the principal to see if he would consider me for an interview. Then she said she would tell him that she would highly recommend me. Whoah.....wasn't expecting that! I promised myself that whatever happened without me pushing, I would let happen.....letting God do whatever He wanted without me trying to interfere. Of course, at this point, I am not sure this whole thing is from God, or just me reading into things......but YIKES! What is with all this encouragement? I need to pray, pray, pray! Truly, I just want what would be best for me and my family--and I guess I should just sit back and see what comes of all this. Maybe this is just what I needed just to get me to get all my stuff in order, so that when the right thing does come along I'll be ready. I certainly don't feel ready now!!!