Wednesday, February 20, 2008

bit of an update

With all of this house stuff going on, and not even going on my blog that often lately--I don't think I ever mentioned that I didn't get that long term sub position I interviewed for. It was quite a let down, I admit. It hit me hard--made me feel discouraged. They hired a girl fresh out of college. The principal told me that she was amazing--that she hit the ball out of the park. You can guess that I obviously didn't. I guess I hit a foul ball. He did tell me that I should still interview for other jobs.....but part of me feels like I was being humored. I am not convinced he thinks all that much of me. Other teachers told me they were shocked I didn't get the position, and the teacher getting the sub, actually came up to me after the decision was made, that she couldn't sleep nights over the whole thing. She felt for sure I was going to get the job. (The principal made the decision....and the 4th grade team didn't know who he was going to pick, until they were told three days later.)

Now--I am leary of even trying again. Being rejected is not easy. I felt completely inadequate.....and I haven't been able to shake the feeling. There is another obvious chance for me to teach again coming up. this time it is a long-term sub position for my current teacher I work with. She is prego and due in May. It is for less than a month. The job is with the class I already know, and who already know me. The position is also just half-time, as this teacher job shares with another teacher. She only teaches language arts, and switches with the other teacher, who teaches math, science and social studies at lunchtime.

Here is the thing---no one has mentioned this to me. Not the principal, not this current teacher. I noticed the posting online this morning. How pathetic is that? I can't figure out why someone wouldn't have brought up the opportunity---or at least told me they were going to post it. It makes me feel worse. I just feel like if they can't trust me in this teaching situation....when would they? Of course, this is the teacher I feel the least comfortable with. My other teacher, I love. I feel that she trusts me completely. But the one that is leaving has never really given me any teaching opportunities. She keeps me busy with filing, and correcting papers, and monitoring the class doing seatwork, while she does guided reading. I never understood why she doesn't use me otherwise--like to work with small groups, etc. She knows I am certified. It makes me feel like a lost I am never going to get there.

I really am discouraged--can you tell? I suppose all I can do is apply for positions and see if anyone calls me for an interview. I just thought that my best shot would have been with the school that knew me best.


deanna said...

Aww... don't get discouraged! You had A LOT going on during the interview process and it sounds like your principal is the kind that prefers those fresh out of college types that he can shape and mold to do whatever he tells them to do!! Keep up the good work, finish up your classes and network for jobs in other schools. Whatever you do, don't stay discouraged - there is a right job for you out there, maybe it's just not with this guy!

As a caveat, many principals do not like to hire parents of students (I can't remember if this is the school where one of your kids attends??). If so, there's a good possibility that scared him off in the end - that and the fact that the teachers all love you. Many times the unknown teacher is most favorable for a principal. Boo hiss to him!!

Onto bigger and better things for now - how's the house coming along?? I'd love to see some pictures!

deanna said...

Oh, and the fact that this teacher didn't sleep and was shocked - that speaks volumes! If they were present for all the interviews and they didn't see it coming, she couldn't have hit the ball out of the park much farther than you did! ;-)

dawn said...

I'd ask someone about that position in've got nothing to've already imagined the worst.

Don't be discouraged...God's timing. He knows best.

I love you.

Kathryn said...

I'm sorry to hear the news. I know it's hard not to take it personally. Just remember, as Deanna mentioned, there are tons of influences effecting these types of decisions. Things can really be so subjective. Sometimes they are more about the decision-maker than the prospect.
I wouldn't draw the conclusion that it was about your shortcomings.

kimsilver said...

Thanks all....I totally appreciate all the well wishes and words of encouragement. I have been beating myself up pretty good about the whole thing.
the funny thing is--I KNOW this is all in God's hands and in His is just hard to feel like a failure in the meantime.
I am working on that, though---and trying to pump myself up and feel confident before the next interview. :0)