bit of an update

With all of this house stuff going on, and not even going on my blog that often lately--I don't think I ever mentioned that I didn't get that long term sub position I interviewed for. It was quite a let down, I admit. It hit me hard--made me feel discouraged. They hired a girl fresh out of college. The principal told me that she was amazing--that she hit the ball out of the park. You can guess that I obviously didn't. I guess I hit a foul ball. He did tell me that I should still interview for other jobs.....but part of me feels like I was being humored. I am not convinced he thinks all that much of me. Other teachers told me they were shocked I didn't get the position, and the teacher getting the sub, actually came up to me after the decision was made, that she couldn't sleep nights over the whole thing. She felt for sure I was going to get the job. (The principal made the decision....and the 4th grade team didn't know who he was going to pick, until they were told three days later.)

Now--I am leary of even trying again. Being rejected is not easy. I felt completely inadequate.....and I haven't been able to shake the feeling. There is another obvious chance for me to teach again coming up. this time it is a long-term sub position for my current teacher I work with. She is prego and due in May. It is for less than a month. The job is with the class I already know, and who already know me. The position is also just half-time, as this teacher job shares with another teacher. She only teaches language arts, and switches with the other teacher, who teaches math, science and social studies at lunchtime.

Here is the thing---no one has mentioned this to me. Not the principal, not this current teacher. I noticed the posting online this morning. How pathetic is that? I can't figure out why someone wouldn't have brought up the opportunity---or at least told me they were going to post it. It makes me feel worse. I just feel like if they can't trust me in this teaching situation....when would they? Of course, this is the teacher I feel the least comfortable with. My other teacher, I love. I feel that she trusts me completely. But the one that is leaving has never really given me any teaching opportunities. She keeps me busy with filing, and correcting papers, and monitoring the class doing seatwork, while she does guided reading. I never understood why she doesn't use me otherwise--like to work with small groups, etc. She knows I am certified. It makes me feel like a lost cause....like I am never going to get there.

I really am discouraged--can you tell? I suppose all I can do is apply for positions and see if anyone calls me for an interview. I just thought that my best shot would have been with the school that knew me best.